Photo credit: Buzzfeed
Today’s blog post was inspired by the women who have contacted me lately all to do with the same topic, body image and low self esteem. This is a common denominator with a lot of people and a big part of it is to do with how their bodies and metabolism have changed over the years. The term body shaming has been the buzzword of 2015 in the media but the worst kind of body shaming is indeed when we body shame ourselves. For years growing up I would have been ashamed of being a size 16, but by age 20 I realised it really was merely a number. It didn’t define me as a person, or dictate my family life or friendships. It would dictate my romantic relationships only if I let it, because it would have been me thinking my size was an issue not the other person. If you don’t fully identify with who you are then that is the first issue. In today’s world we are so shaped by other ideologies in fashion, from social media to of course general media. What is considered to be the trend led body shapes this year could go to something completely opposite by next year, and we as women can’t adjust our bodies to suit a trend. Below are just some things I’ve learned along with way over the last few years on perception, identity and learning to accept my body, that I hope might be of help to some of you too.
Start focusing on yourself, not others. Women of every age do this it seems, constantly judging yourself against your friends, your colleagues and worse, airbrushed celebrities! By doing this you are indirectly lowering your self esteem bit by bit. Eventually it begins to take its toll in other elements of your life, from second guessing your own decisions to not taking part in social events or trips away. It starts with ” If only I had her body…” and escalates into a bigger snowball. When looking in the mirror which is the most common place for self criticism, you need to be strict with yourself in order to move forward. For every negative comment or thought you feel, you need to immediately correct it with a positive one. It could be anything from ” I have great eyebrows” to ” I love my hair”. Letting negative thoughts escalate won’t help you move forward.
Learn to accept and store a compliment. When you have spent years loathing your body, experienced bullying or just simply feel somewhat lost in yourself, accepting a compliment seems impossible. You need to listen, not block it out and certainly not deflect the compliment such as “Oh no I really don’t, I like your jacket where did you buy it?”. Accept it, move on and register it in your memory bank for bad days. On theses days when you can’t help but feel negative it feels like nothing can lift you. Reminding yourself of those positive experiences or complements that happened during a week or month will make a difference.
Stop assuming: During the summer a person got in touch with me who was going on holiday. She was in no way excited about her trip as all she could think of is people looking at her by the pool. She was so stressed out she was barely sleeping, if at all. A perfect example of how negative thoughts towards ourselves manifest into other aspects of our lives.We emailed back and forth with fashion options to make her feel comfortable. In the end there was no need, three weeks later I get an email attached with a photo of her wearing a gorgeous two piece bikini ( which she claimed she would never, ever, wear) and the headline read ” SO NO ONE BY THE POOL WAS EVEN CARING” because it’s true. And this applies to all elements of life, from the office, to college to everyday life – I’m not recommending you wear a two piece at the bus stop by the way, but my point is that people have their own lives and in the main are tied up with their own personal issues.
Be grateful for everything you have. This was a big turning point for me. When I was around 16/17 years old I developed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. It was something which was incredibly hard to diagnosed. There were days I was on crutches I was so weak, then spells of being bed bound for weeks on end when my mum would have to spoon feed me. At one point I wondered was this it? Was I going to be like this for the rest of my life as no doctor could give my family proper answers. I said to myself that if I ever got better and could walk on my own freely I would never, take my life or my body for granted again. When I started to get better that was it. Sure I still had to overcome some body image issues but I just went for things I would have never have done before hand because I spent so much of my teenage years not doing things because of my size.
Wear clothes that fit you. Clothing plays a huge part in self acceptance and self comfort. Since starting the blog I have definitely found that people are so fixated on ‘SIZE’ that they often wear clothes that just don’t fit correctly. I have anything from a size 12 to a size 20 in my wardrobe because every brand is different but I go by what sits best and flatters my shape.
Understand that not all trends may suit you. For a while tulip dresses and skirts were hugely popular. I had to wear them at fashion shows or shoots, because as a model we have to wear what we are given. In the real world, I would run a mile before I would think of purchasing one as it’s a shape that just looks horrendous on me, and there is nothing wrong with that. I don’t lose sleep over it, there are plenty of other trends in the fashion pond to play with and that’s what makes fashion exciting. It would be boring if we could just walk into any shop and put on anything.
Start small, live big: Take baby steps from taking your negative thoughts and looking at the positives, to accepting more invitations to do things with friends. Being social will bring you into more of a comfort within yourself. Set yourself weekly or monthly goals that push you out of your comfort zone. Staying at home and preempting things that may or may not happen is disastrous for your own self esteem and how you see yourself. Lou xx
